Article submitted by Peter Prediger (click arrow to show/hide bio.)
Peter Prediger Bio:
Holds a Masters degree in Counselling Psychology, focused on adolescent development and mental health support for families.
Spent the past 18.5 years developing and expanding the Take a Hike Youth Mental Health Foundation. Completed this tenure in December to pursue new opportunities.
Spent 12 years planning and guiding single and multi-day trips for vulnerable youth. Multi-day overnight trips totaling over 300
Experienced in multiple mountain disciplines (mountaineering, rock climbing, ski touring) and a certified sea kayak guide.
Being outdoors with friends, as a couple, with kids, coworkers, etc, is an incredible place to build healthy attachments.
How so, you might ask?
It takes some intention on our parts to make it happen and when it
does it is magical.
When we use the term “attachment” in reference to another person here is what is meant.
Attachment theory tells us that how we define ourselves is with others, and not from others.
Meaning, we all have an intrinsic and deep need for supportive connection with others, and without this, our growth as people is hindered. Bonding with others, and more specifically those we have deep relationships with (parents and children, spouse), is the biggest factor in our personal survival and beyond that, thriving. A secure and healthy attachment sets the stage for
each of us to navigate a confusing and sometimes scary world in a more emotionally regulated way. We can do this because we have a deep sense that we can rely on another person in which we are securely attached.
The best quote I have found that sums this up is as follows:
“From the cradle to the grave, human beings are hardwired to seek not just social contact, but also physical and emotional proximity to special others who are deemed irreplaceable. The longing for a “felt sense” of connection to key others is primary in terms of the hierarchy of human goals and needs.”
~Sue Johnson, 2019
And so how does being outdoors and nature help us do that?:
● It is naturally a place to be present. Nature inspires and piques our curiosity, because it is so awe inspiring. Being with our kids when they have questions about nature is an amazing way to build a connection with them.. It’s important that we encourage their questions as it helps to build knowledge, and more so discernment. People who can ask questions seek to understand before being understood. This allows them to then discern the time and investment they want to make in specific areas of their lives. Let’s allow our curiosity about nature to develop that skill. We as parents don’t always need to have all the answers, but you may find you will be holding knowledge from life experience that these moments may help facilitate those reflections being shared. Your kids will be in awe of you and what you have experienced. Leave the phone at home and trust that your life experience and your own curiosity may speak a lot more powerfully than google or siri. You are way more interesting because your kids already think you are awesome.
● Nature facilitates play. Have you ever noticed that kids receive new toys and then they sit on the shelf? And yet we stand near a lake and we can throw rocks until our arms hurt, or play with sticks for hours. Because its not just a stick, it’s a sword, a baseball bat, a battle ship on the water, a small kayaker navigating a raging little stream, or whatever you and whoever you are with imagine it to be. As parents you can start the play by simply asking your kids as you hold up the stick: “what could we do with this?”
● Nature can seem a bit scary because it is big, quiet, a new experience, or has perceived dangers. When our kids experience nature with us we get to be the ones to demonstrate how we navigate the experience. Not simply through our words but through the ways in which we model enjoyment and some risk. Kids are pretty attuned to us and it is through our actions that they see and feel that the experience is ok.
● Go out with your family or partner with little agenda and destination in mind. There are certainly times for this, but it is important to give our families a time to play together without the expectation to accomplish some trail, peak, or speed record. The stream 10 minutes away will provide hours of fun. And once again, leave the dang phone at home or in the car. It acts as a barrier between you and whoever you are with. We want to remove that barrier to be fully present.
● Be open to have fun! Sometimes with our partner and kids we are way too serious. Lighten up! You are outside, be a kid, get dirty, sweaty, and use your imagination. And cap it all off with some fun snacks. Bring those food items that you may not eat at home. Maybe even break a rule that you have for food as this is a special occasion.
Be present, play, use your imagination, laugh, and be curious about your surroundings with your partner and kids. They will love you for it and I guarantee you will build some serious relationship credit in the bank for those times that are not so easy.
Why? because these experiences together in nature are powerful emotional experiences. And powerful emotional experiences become imprinted on us.
Let’s leave some powerful imprints on each other’s lives shall we? It will change society because it changes us as individuals.
Monashee Trail Society 